My Life

Someone told me that he was envious of my life yesterday.
I was indeed puzzled what brought on that comment but more so, it made me reflect on my life.

Looking at what I have now.....indeed most people will say I have something great.
Now what constitutes something great? A stable job? A healthy body? A loving family? A roof over my head?

Aside from the roof over my head and not having money woes, both of which are material,
how's my emotional status?

I told that person "You cant always have what you want no matter how much you yearn for it" and was told I should remember that.

Honestly, I live by that statement. Otherwise how else would have I have survived till today?
When I was young, I yearned to have my daddy beside me, to share in my academic achievements but daddy abandoned us when I was just 11 yrs old.
Too many other things that I yearned for over the years that I will not list down.
However, they shaped me. Having to deal with yearning for so much but not getting it. You learned how to cope with such emotional wants. I think I did pretty well.

The one thing that I will always yearn for everyday...is to have my younger bro back.
I go about my life...dealing with whatever onslaughts of attacks I face. The one big battle i faced everyday though...is having to cope with the loss of my healthy younger bro.

Most people will say...I should be thankful that he is alive. I am not.
It hurts to be reminded he is laying on the bed...unable to do much whilst I go about with my life.

Mentioning such things are not meant to dispute that person's envy of my life. I am equally envious of others' lives.

I am in a melancholic mood and my blog had just became very personal.

Thoughts

I had lotsa of thoughts today. Met up with lover and had heartfelt chat.

Realised for the past mth or so....I was pretty much caught up online.
I started chatting again for one.

Made a couple of frens...and met a few weirdos online.

Gave me a brand new perspective on many things.
Perhaps I should come back to what I have in my life...instead of searching for something more.

Blog shall end here on this note now.

Basketball

Basketball has always been my love....played lots back during JC days.

Recently I just had my yearly alumni basketball games back in school.
Instead of our team being named by the year we graduated from school....our teacher decided to call us "Oldies".
How appropriate!

The oldies were mean! The oldies were great!
OK...dream on...we are not termed oldies for fun. We are really OLD since its like bt 10 yrs since we left school? Its not just the age....it shows in the game.
Barely 2 matches, I already had 2 casualities on my team. We were all gasping for breath like 3 mins into each match. Errr I think tats just me.

Oh I have to mention the jerseys! All of the juniors were in their full glorious jerseys and shorts whilst the oldies were wearing our OLD shorts n sloppy t-shirts from our basketball era 10 yrs ago.

Young Junior: Are these shorts part of your jerseys back then? How come your shorts so short?

Oldies: Back then...everyone's shorts were of this length.

Me: As we got progressively fatter over the years...the length of the shorts grew considerably shorter.

*Loud guffaws from everyone*
Hey I still had a sense of humour!

The oldies later commented to our teacher about what the junior said.
Our teacher tried to make the best out of it and said we were part of the Larry Bird era when shorts were really short. Ha! We were part of the legend. *hurhur*

Anyhow...despite the injuries...the lack of stamina...the brittle bones...we have decided tat we wanna win the championship next yr. So someone suggested we meet up once a month to play some basketball. We wanna believe with more practice, we will win! I am now waiting to see if tat monthly game come thru.

Work

I have been getting quite sick of my job of late.
After the holidays in Bangkok, I came back to the office and was fighting fires everyday.

Every bid...every quote request was urgent. If everything was urgent....nothing becomes of priority anymore. I cant prioritize!
Told my boss exactly that. Conclusion was do whatever u can. Oh bother! Of coz I will do watever I can....isn't tat always the case?

Anyway....colleagues told me bt an opening at the parent company. Will be talking to the person in charged later today. No matter how much I like my boss and my current environment...I think the time has come to move on (only if the package offered is good of coz).

To be continued......

What Type of Flirt Are You?

I did another test today to determine what type of a flirt I am.

Look at my results:

kaitlynn, you're a Smooth!
Hey there, slick! We think it's pretty safe to say that you're a Smooth Flirt. You've got all the right moves, and you're confident that your target will appreciate all your winks and smiles. All it takes is the perfect line, right? Maybe so, as long as you deliver it with your charm meter set to "stun." Your flirting style is the perfect mix of body language and pure animal magnetism. With you on their trail, how can your prey possibly hope to get away? Seduction is inevitable. Just make sure not to overdo it. There's something to be said for simple, direct conversation. Your way with words and smooth moves guarantee that you'll hit the bullseye.

I will try it....next time....

My Luscious Locks

Guess wat!!! I went to color my hair on the sunday that just passed.

Hairdresser: "Did u change your shampoo & conditioner?"
Me: " Yes...shampoo just changed to Clairol. Conditioner still using Pantene. Havent finish ah. Y?"
Hairdresser: "Hair feels oilier than before and....."
Me: " And.....?"
Hairdresser: "I can see more of your scalp at the top here..." (points to the top of my head)
Me: " OMG!!! U mean I am balding?!?!?!?"
Hairdresser: " No la...no lah...hair too oily will drop one....then ah...u can only apply conditioner only on your hair ends..."
Me: " Oh yeh...i always apply conditioner to my whole head...n I recently dropped lotsa of hair..."

I have always been proud of my hair...n used to complain my hair is too thick.
Deep down...I felt like dying....I am not even into my 30s n I am starting to bald????
My parents still have luscious looking hair even though they are in their 50s! SO its not my genes for sure!

I am really scared now....these couple of days....I applied conditioner only on the roots.....
So far so good...I m leaving less strands of hair on the floor. Pray for me ah!

Contact List

I was going through my mobile phone contact list yesterday. There were so many names that had fallen off my radar. Names of people that I have not spoken to for 3 years & more.

I spent the whole night reminiscing bt how my life had intertwined with these people. How much my life had changed in the last 5 yrs.....

I missed those times...I missed these people....
Probably I should just start calling them again....

Shock & Awe

I am not talking abt the "Shock and Awe" strategy of the US Pentagon but my own desire to shock and awe. *nyak nyak*

Occasionally...that little devil in me comes forth and I cannot resist being mischievious.
Probably mischievious is a wrong word.

There are times when I just wanna do things out of the norm....n it's not becoz of some sadistic desire to see pple squirm at my dumb antics. Just blame tat little devil in me ok?

I did something out of the norm yest. Not a big deal to some...but I actually called someone to talk instead of typing messages online. I shocked tat person alright....n i thought it was funny.

Am I tat predictable? Actually I prefer to live by the moment....who knows wat I will do next?

Blog or no blog

I never ever started a blog before because I always thought its intrusive.
In my very first entry of my blog, I thought I will overcome tat since I decide what I blog about.

As time passes, I realised its hard to blog...without revealing bits of my life..n hence me.
As I put down things that were totally NOT personal (at least to me), it became more n more pointless for the blog.

I thrive on emotions...heartfelt thoughts. I believe in saying what I feel to a large extent.
How much can I say on my blog....without revealing me to the whole world?

A recent discussion about "walls" set me thinking...everyone has a certain wall. Me included...but how tall or how thick is this wall? I keep a wall...to protect myself. I think most people have walls for the same reasons. Or there are people who are just plain unfrenly.

As I gave it more thought...i realised there is a little door on my wall and the door is not locked!
Anyone who tries to turn the knob, will find the door swings open easily.

So...to blog or not to blog? That is the question.......

Sleepy

I am very very sleepy :(
I slept at 1130pm last night...n i ended up more tired?

I cant seemed to keep my eyes open now. I m so tempted to just lie on my office desk n sleep.

ZZzzZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzz

The Forbidden Fruit

Durians! Yes I love durians!
During the trip in Bangkok, me & lover chanced upon a roadside stall selling durians and we happily bought some.

Happily we swung the transparent plastic bag with the durian as we walked boldly into our hotel.
We were already walking towards our room when we heard a shrill scream from behind, " Nooooo! Nooooo! No durians!"

We have literally forgotten that durians are banned in most places. Then again, the high pitched shrilling security lady didnt have to sound like we committed the most heinous crime. So we were indignant and decided we will eat the durian in our room no matter wat. Anyway, high pitched shrilling security lady radioed downstairs...ranting all the time on 2 "criminals" with the forbidden fruit and stared at us till we took the elevator down.

We decided to do a detour. We went out the main lobby into the rain...Walked one round to the side door of the hotel...climbed some steps to the second level to bypass the security on the first floor. We then took the elevator to the 5th floor (we were staying on the 4th) and wanted to use the stairs. Then we remembered the stairs exit is near the guard post on the 4th floor. So we decided to risk it. We will go to the 4th floor and I will act as the look out whilst my lover hides the forbidden fruit in our bag. When i determined the coast was clear, we ran all the way back to our room and hid at the edge of the bed. We felt guilty really!

Anyway, we gobbled the durian down in 5mins. Next morning, we hid the seeds in our bag....n i destroyed the evidence in the common toilet on the ground floor of the hotel.

Eating the forbidden fruit never felt better.

Holidays & Sore Feet

I never walked so much in my life. Now i know how preggie women felt with their swollen feet from the water retention.
My left ankle was swollen only after the 2nd day in Bangkok.

Yes I went for a much needed holiday finally! 5 full days in Bangkok!! Whoopie!
I literally shopped the entire Bangkok. Ok that's an exaggeration....but each nite i could hardly walk coz my feet are swollen from all the walking. Every nite I am sleeping before 1am...tats so not me...but I was bushed.

Now I am back...i am not revived. In fact I am still tired. I need another holiday! *bloody excuse*